We've all been there haven't we? You're out shopping, you get to the checkout, the queues are long; you look, you ponder and pick the one you think will get you home soonest.
Suddenly you realise you've forgotten something. Do you wait to be served and ask for a staff member to retrieve it? Or do you leave your trolley in the queue and rush off to pick up the item.
Me? I choose the latter; scurrying off to get my missing purchase. Imagine my shock upon returning to see my trolley pushed to one side and a 'gentleman' (old enough to know better) stood in my place.
I'm gobsmacked! Has he really done what I think? Has he really made that decision?
Thoughts rush through my brain. Should I ignore it? Should I pretend it's not happened? Is it worth the fight? Does it matter that much?
I hear myself say, "excuse me my trolley was there". The reply? "Well you weren't there and I was."
I'm floored. I'm shocked. I'm shaking. Somehow I hear myself say "yes, but there is such a thing as doing the right thing" before walking off to find a new queue as far away as possible.
As I stand in my new place, breathing deeply, I reflect on a recent conversation I had with one of our members; helping her to design a new Emotional Intelligence program. We talked about what EQ really meant. Is is just a new fad that will fall out of favour in the coming years? Or is it something that everyone needs to understand?
The research is there, those who display higher EQ do better than those who simply rely on their IQ. But why is it?
I think again on this as I stand waiting for my turn to be served once more. And that is when it hits me; that is when I have the 'ker-ching' moment.
All too often we live in a world the focus on what our 'rights' are, rather than what the 'right' thing to do is. Yes the 'gentleman' was within his rights to move my trolley, but did that make it right? Is that what he would have liked to happen to him?
Emotional intelligence takes time to mature and grow; I am full of indignation over what my fellow shopper did, but I know I am not innocent. I too have been in situations where my own 'rights' mattered more then what was 'right'. It always feels better to feel cross and hard done by, than acknowledge the mistake we made.
This insight, this understanding of EQ, matters to us training professionals more than most. This is often the battle that is going on in the minds of our participants. People want to feel right; feeling wrong is horrible. But most of us like to know we have done the right thing too.
So before walking into the training room, ask yourself this: how can I help my learner understand the difference between their rights and what the right thing to do is? What can I do to ensure they understand the difference they'll make to others by making the change?
Why does this matter? Well if we can park our need to be 'right' then most of us find that doing right by others is a greater motivator than the fear of being asked to change.
The desire to change, after all, is the key to begin taking the steps to do so.