How many of us have been here? We have a carefully constructed reality, we've looked, we've thought, we know what we believe, we know what we want to achieve. We take a step back, we draw a breath, we adapt our behaviours and yet we still find ourselves in, what my mother would refer to, as "a bit of a pickle".
We've tried to do the right thing, to make good decisions, to take the right steps, to say the right thing; we want to do what we believe is needed to achieve our goal. Yet still things have not gone according to plan. Our words haven't made things better, they've created upset, they've created hurt and our hoped for outcome seems even further away.
Why is this? Why are we left feeling confused and frustrated? Why are we getting signals from others that we have stuffed up right royally?
As someone who is a self-confessed sufferer from 'foot in mouth syndrome' I was reminded of this recently when speaking to one of my new neighbours who, like watching a car crash in slow motion, was stuffing a whole colony of centipedes in her mouth with every word she uttered to me.
Let me explain: I recently moved house. Like most moves it was a tortuous experience to even get to moving day. My (slightly younger) brother, sensing my stress, offered to help out by driving for three hours and, bringing one of my nephews with him, kindly looked after my son whilst myself and my two older daughters got on with the heavy lifting…
Fast forward a few weeks and I ventured out to meet my new neighbours.
One such neighbour was the mum of the four boys my son had been playing with so enthusiastically since our arrival. "Oh" she said when I met her and introduced myself "I thought you were the children's Grandma!"
What could I say? I confess my make-up wasn't in place, my hair not looking its best; I wasn't even wearing my poshest of frocks. Yet at 43 I felt a little old to be written off as the Grandma of three ranging from 10 to 15!
She attempted to explain, to justify. It appears that having seen my brother with my son and my nephew on moving day she thought that all three were my grandchildren. Despite her husband assuring her that there were actually two girls and a boy, all of school age, in the family she held on to her belief. She knew she was right; hadn't she seen for herself there were actually three boys?
She was certain despite, what I hope was reasonably firm, proof that her new neighbour wasn't 65+ years old (my brother after all will soon be celebrating his 40th). She ploughed on with her belief that her husband was wrong. She had a perception of reality and she was sticking to it.
How often have we done the same? How often have our preconceived ideas of a situation meant we caused distress to others, despite robust evidence to the contrary?
I called this blog Witches of Glum because it is one of my all time favourite exercise to deliver. If you get the chance, have a read of it and then ask yourself how often have we done the same? How often have we allowed our preconceptions to skew our view of reality?
My experience, as both the perpetrator and the recipient, is that it happens more than we would like to acknowledge.
Next time when we 'think' we know what is happening, let my neighbour's faux pas remind us to stop, look, listen and above all remember to ask the questions that tests whether we are right first….